New Year rolling relentlessly along

My friend Joy sent one of Jacquie Lawson’s life-affirming animated cards for New Year, a positive message delivered as a calendar, pages flipping to the tune of Auld Lang Syne. It was a northern hemisphere theme, but the message was universal – the wonders of nature.

As for last week’s flippant item about fluffy news, the opening days of 2023 delivered anything but. At New Year drinks, assembled guests inevitably began talking about the bad news of preceding days and weeks. The Tara shooting is still (and probably always will be), bewilderingly pointless. There are Court cases to come involving a traffic accident in which three people died. There’s the home invasion which left a young mother dead and her husband injured. There were drownings, fatal car accidents and a helicopter crash that killed four people.

Where’s a cat up a tree story when you need one?

For my part, I’ve been quite busy as one of my pro bono jobs is editing the U3A Warwick newsletter, an 18-page publication (due today). I was chasing up sponsors who booked advertising space. I made up an ad in Publisher and sent it for approval, quietly invigorated by finding that I can be multi-skilled at my age.

Mind you, race walker Heather Lee (96), could teach me a thing or two. ABC Breakfast interviewed Heather (a lone, good news contribution). She was lamenting that she can no longer compete in her age group – because she’s the only one.

Watching Heather briskly walking, arms swinging, made me prise myself out of the recliner, stretch my hammies and vow to return to the gym. If you make New Year resolutions, that should be Number 1, really. If we’re not fit and active, chances are we’ll soon be on a wheelie walker or in a wheelchair.

Neither of these options appeal to me, but at 70+ with diagnosed brittle bones, I have made getting fitter than I am a priority.

It’s all about exercise, stretching, lunging, eating good food and drinking lots of water; it’s also about brisk walking, not quite the Heather Lee standard but not dog-walking pace either.

The realisation that I was not as fit as I have been came while trudging around the Woodford Folk Festival site, up hill and down, on roads which had been knocked about by rain. I had not been to Woodford for some years. It was always tiring, no matter how fit you were. One year at Woodford, realising that the tiredness comes from the endless walking from one venue to another, I took up residence at one venue and stayed there for the duration. It sure was better than catching the last song of John Butler’s set or not being able to get into the tent when you wanted to be in the front row.

Woodford, with its teeming thousands milling about, is a place where you might meet someone you know and then again, not. In previous years, it seemed as if our age group (the over-60s) was well represented. This year, it was like being at Splendour in the Grass. Most attendees seemed to be in the 18-29 age group and of course there were kids and babies everywhere.

I was one of the few men I spotted wearing jeans. Most were clad in shorts, long hippy pants or on occasions, sarongs. Hardly anyone wore a hat (Albo did), and I guess they will pay for it later.

We were there for the 9am tribute to the extraordinary folk singer, comedian and writer John Thompson, who died in February 2021, aged 56. His widow Nicole Murray put the show together with the help of friends Fred Smith and Ian Dearden. They covered a lot of territory in just 50 minutes; there were performances from singers who’d been in bands with John, a special Morris Dance to the tune of his song ‘Brisbane River’ and a spooky rendition of The Parting Glass by the Spooky Men’s Chorale. As director Stephen Taberner told the full-house crowd, John had at one point joined the Spookies for a tour of the UK. If you did not know of John, you might have seen him as the Songman in the stage production Warhorse, which toured Australia and New Zealand.

A cheerful highlight of the tribute was a rendition of John’s song ‘Bill and the Bear’, about a Maleny man who wrestled a bear at Wirth’s Circus, back in the day. A scratch orchestra led by brass player Mal Webb marched in from the back of the venue to play the extended instrumental.

It was an appropriately sombre, hilarious, cheerful and tearful event. John would have been incredulous that he could draw a full house at a 9am festival gig.

From there, I wandered off to catch Jem Casser-Daley at one of her first Woodford gigs. Jem played piano and was backed by a drummer and bass player. She’s young and her songs are mostly about feeling young and vulnerable, broken relationships or being stood up for a date. She’s confident, natural, has a beautiful voice and showed her musical pedigree by including two covers. First came Neil Young’s ‘Harvest Moon’, maybe inspired by A.J. Lee and maybe not, and then delving into her Dad’s record collection to come up with Carole King’s ‘It’s Too Late’, Baby. Jem Casser-Daley, star of the future.

I found my way back to the 9am venue in time for Eric Bogle’s sound check in which the pithy Scotsman sang ‘For nearly 60 years I’ve been a jockey’. Later, he sang the real song with great heart, as he always does. As a songwriter who is always asked to sing the same one or two songs at gigs, I felt for Eric once again working through ‘No Man’s Land’ (also known as ‘The Green Fields of France’), which was a huge hit for the Fureys and set Eric off on the life of a touring musician. At 77, he’s still in good voice, quipping away between songs and bantering with fellow musicians, Emma Luker (fiddle) and Pete Titchener (guitar and vocals). I feel tired just writing this, but Eric went from a tour of New Zealand in October to a 13-concert tour here in November and a few gigs in December before the tour bus rolled into Woodford. As the quote goes on his tour posters: ‘A mixture of loquacious Scottish humour and exceptionally heartfelt folk songs. (The Irish Times).

Songwriters tend to become identified with a certain type of song – in Bogle’s case songs about World War I. He told his Woodford audience that he had published 230 songs, of which only 12 are about WWI. He also revealed he had registered ‘No Man’s Land’ under both titles!

Eric is one of three songwriters who wrote a tribute for John Thompson, ‘Catching the Wave’, which is on his latest album, Source of Light.

Fred Smith, better known for songs about the conflict in Afghanistan, penned the as-yet unreleased ‘Sweet Ever After’, watching John’s funeral on Zoom from his room in Kabul. Brisbane folk singer Ian Dearden, a long-time friend and associate, wrote ‘Song for John’ which can be found on Bandcamp.

I like to remember John Thompson as he was – a warm fellow with a brilliant mind, feverish sense of humour, a grand voice, clever writer, sometimes impatient but always with good intentions.

It’s so hard to refer to him in the past tense.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cat up a tree time of year

cat-up-a-tree-journalism
Photo from www.pixabay.com No, it’s not a Jarrah, but there’s a cat in there!

Here’s a heart-warming story, filed this morning by our intrepid reporter, Abigail Featherweight, on location at Jumpinup Downs, WA.

(Video shows a fire truck pulled up next to a very tall tree where a shirtless fireman in the basket of a cherry picker is rescuing a cat, which, having not only got stuck at the top of the tree, gave birth there to seven kittens).

Morning show host Gavin Brighteeth: Hi Abbey – tell us what’s going on.

Abigail, breathlessly brushing back tendrils of thin blonde hair from an angular face, nodding, as they teach television reporters to do.

“Hi Gavin, good of you to give this story a spin. As you may have heard in the voice-over, a missing neighbourhood cat, Charlize, was found this morning perched in the branches of this 25m Jarrah tree. (Telephoto closeup of Charlize nestled in a pocket of branches where she’s nurturing the seven kittens she gave birth to this morning).

Abigail: It was fireman Vince Colloseum to the rescue, after first taking off his shirt, as it is a steamy 42 degrees this morning at Jumpinup Downs, where this magnificent old tree stands alone at an intersection. Environmental activists who campaigned to save the tree amid urban development dubbed it “Last Jarrah Standing”.

“I see Vince is coming down with yet another two kittens, his muscular torso glistening with sweat.

“Vince is not only a fireman, he is a dedicated body builder and was Mr September in last year’s Firies Calendar. (close up of Vince’s glistening torso).

Abigail, thrusting her mike in Vince’s face: Vince, this is awesome – how many kittens have you rescued now?

Vince: Six, Abbey, so there is one more and Mum, which will be the last load.

Abigail: I see you have been scratched numerous times, Vince?

Vince: “Just a flesh wound or two, hahaha. You have to expect that with cat up a tree rescues. I’ve saved dozens over the years but this is the first one that gave birth way up there.”

Producer in Abigail’s earbud: “Can you find the cat’s owner and interview her now before we go to the next story?”

Vince climbs back into the cherry picker basket and is lofted high into the canopy. The small crowd of locals cheer.

Gavin: Leaving Abigail Featherweight at Jumpinup Downs and crossing to a breaking story where six rusting drums thought to contain pesticide have washed up on Buggerup Beach.

If you haven’t encountered a fluffy news story like that over Christmas, trust me, you will. There are 23 more days of this sort of bumf before school goes back and industry and commerce resumes.

Most news organisations assign reporters to assemble what is known in news parlance as the Yearender. Typically, it will remind us of all the awful things that happened since January 1, 2022, things most of us would rather forget.

If you want to quick snapshot of what the media concentrated on, online media and marketing specialist Mumbrella ran a feature from media-monitoring group Streem.

As Streem’s communications director Jack McClintock said, despite hopes that we had put the pandemic behind us, “Wall-to-wall COVID coverage in the opening months of 2022 ensured it would be the top story of the year.”

“As the year unfolded, numerous other major news events took place, including the War in Ukraine, the 2022 Federal Election and the death of The Queen. Add to these significant events strong undercurrents of cost of living pressures, including inflation and energy prices, and 2022 was as big a news year as they come.”

Covid dominated media discussions for seven months this year, interrupted only by big stories including Russia’s February 24 invasion of Ukraine, the March Federal election, the death of Queen Elizabeth and massive flooding in parts of eastern Australia.

Queen Elizabeth II’s death on September 9 was the most prominent story on one single day, Streem observed. Other big single-story days included the COVID wave in early January, Ukraine’s initial invasion and Shane Warne’s death on March 4.

As for the media ‘Person’ of the year, honours were shared (in Australia) between Vladimir Putin, Scott Morrison, and Anthony Albanese. All had very high peaks in prominence, and a strong level of sustained media attention. The exception was in January, when tennis player and prominent anti-vaxxer Novak Djokovic claimed headlines by his arrival (and subsequent expulsion) for the 2022 Australian Open.

https://mumbrella.com.au/streem-insights-reveal-the-biggest-news-stories-of-2022-769537

All is forgiven, apparently, as Novak is scheduled to play in Adelaide and Melbourne next month. Also in the forgiven category was Premier Daniel Andrews, an emphatic winner of the Victorian election in November.

As we know the mainstream media (MSM) allots the biggest headlines and pictures and the longest radio or TV coverage to the ‘if it bleeds it leads’ category of news story. These days television is aided and abetted by amateur reporters who file breaking news videos for broadcast to live television. The most recent example was the fuel tanker explosion near the South African town of Boksburg which killed at least 15 people. The actual explosion was caught on a smart phone and broadcast by international media. Reports like this have led to many news broadcast warnings that ‘some people may find this footage distressing’. You reckon?

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-64086051

Most television channels now have a section devoted to ‘good news stories’, although I don’t always agree with their definition.

For example, in November there was a frantic search going on to find a man who bought a winning Powerball (lottery) ticket in Forster (NSW). This angle was spun until the man was contacted and notified days later he had won $50 million. And much was made of the Australian soccer team making its way to the World Cup quarter finals. No! We lost!

My definition of a good news story was when Shayla Phillips (4) and her dog went missing in dense Tasmanian bushland. We were in Tassie at the time (March) and could appreciate the concern as night temperatures plummeted. Shayla was found safe, dehydrated but well after two nights alone in the bush.

Earlier this month, grave fears we held for four teenagers on paddleboards who drifted into rough seas off the Mornington Peninsula. They were found safe the following day, but stranded on a remote island .

Good news from FOMM’s perspective included the Federal Government’s commitment to a 43% reduction in CO2 emissions and the first group of refugees leaving Nauru, bound for New Zealand.

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese kept an election promise to quickly resolve the long-running saga of the Tamil refugees. The Nadesalingam family were released from years of detention, granted permanent visas and allowed to return to Biloela, where they had formed a community bond.

I’ll get off my soap box now and let you start the countdown to January 1, 2023. I imagine almost all of you (at a party) will form a circle and sing Robert Burns’ ‘Auld Lang Syne’, whether you know the words or not.

Maybe this can be a year when we who are most fortunate reflect on those who are not. As Burns said:

“Some hae meat and canna eat, And some wad eat that want it, But we hae meat and we can eat, And sae the Lord be thankit.”

 

Much ado about Djokovic

Djokovic-tennis-Covid-19
Image: Rod Laver Arena, Melbourne Leau Smith/pixabay.com

Some journalism traditions die hard and fortunately, the one that persists in quality publications is to separate news from opinion. The labels “Opinion” or “Comment” ought to accompany any writing which draws on facts but allows the writer to comment and interpret. (Ed: Like FOMM).

Outspoken Australian journalist and commentator Van Badham was introduced this way in the New York Times on Sunday.

“Opinion – guest essay by Van Badham.”

The headline (which tradition decrees is always written by someone else), said: Novak Djokovic got the boot. Australians are thrilled.

The headline set the tone, in part by using Aussie parlance and then with the partially substantiated claim “Australians are thrilled”.

This was drawn from a poll cited by Badham that 83% of 60,000 respondents were in favour of Djokovic being booted. (FOMM opinion – But wait, that means 10,200 were not in favour…Oh right, it’s an opinion piece).

The labelling of opinion pieces is an industry practice that cuts both ways. It gives readers a first-up warning that what they are about to read is just that – somebody’s opinion. At the same time, the disclaimer allows Badham freedom to use the acrimony around Novak Djokovic’s visa cancellation to highlight the government’s (mis)handling of Covid-19.

“There’s a familiar pattern of government miscommunication and ineptitude unfolding around Djokovic that sadly reminds us of our brief and squandered advantage over the virus,” Badham wrote.

Not to be outdone, The Age also latched on to the term ‘the boot’ which is Aussie for being fired, kicked out of a pub or sent to sleep it off in the spare room. Writer Peter Schmigel ‘put in the boot’, which is Aussie for kicking a man when he’s down.

In a rare departure from form, Sky News said the Novak Djokovic saga had “damaged the government’s reputation”.  Sky News host Rita Panahi said Djokovic had essentially been deported for “thought crimes”. In her Behind the News programme (a review of headlines on the topic), Panahi said the government cynically made this decision with an eye on the polls”. What was that about my enemy’s enemy?

These obvious comment pieces reminded me that a reader suggested I write about ‘proper’ journalism. How do you separate well-researched, balanced news reporting from the bias of commentators of the right and the left, he asked? OK, done that.

The Djokovic story was hard to ignore. The media swarmed on it like wild bees drawn to a hole in a weatherboard house. January is usually a fallow field for the skeleton crews left in newsrooms, Many people are on holidays, including those who feed stories to the media on a daily basis. Suddenly, though, there was drama on the central court – a rare Sunday sitting of the full bench of the Federal Court involving the world’s Number 1 tennis player. Ask people who have been waiting two years for a court hearing what they think about that.

Journalists rostered to work on Sundays rarely have such a prize on their shift. As usual, radio and television news had the best of it.

There is rarely anything left for the Monday papers, except for targeted news released by organisations fond of exploiting the vacant space.

For example, the Queensland Government’s spin doctors tabled new research that demonstrated the disproportionate risk of remaining unvaccinated.

Independent news portal ‘InQueensland’ summed it up in one, 33-word lead paragraph.

An unvaccinated person who contracts Covid-19 is 24 times more likely to end up fighting for their life in intensive care than someone who has had all three jabs, Queensland Health data shows.

This introductory paragraph tells the reader in one sentence what the story is about. No need to read any more. Just retire to the water cooler and tell others. You can see the deft hand of old-school journos behind this opening para, wordy though it may be.

Health Minister Yvette D’Ath used this data to urge older Queenslanders to get their booster shot.

(Ed: we had ours on Wednesday).

The Australian Consumer and Competition Commission (ACCC) and other such organisations often release statements to the media on a Sunday for publication on Monday. It’s the slowest news day, so journalists hungry for a fresh angle can never resist. As the story usually relies on an official statement, it is difficult (on a Sunday evening) to track down someone to represent the other side.

John McCarthy, writing in On-line news publication ‘InQueensland’, reported on Monday that the ACCC had received 1800 complaints of retailers over-charging for rapid antigen tests. McCarthy cited a Chamber of Commerce and Industry survey, which showed that the lack of test kits  as well as staff shortages were critical factors in the crippling of the supply chain..

This type of story will be ‘broken’ in the Monday newspapers and pounced upon by news-hungry radio and TV producers. Those breaking the story will have little opportunity to follow up, which becomes the role of radio news. While the ‘claims’ referred to are yet to be proven, they highlight the issue of price gouging over RAT’s (rapid antigen tests that can be done at home- for those unfamiliar with this Aussie acronym) and put a number on instances of (alleged) profiteering. I heard ACCC chairman Rod Sims expanding on this story later in the day on ABC news radio.

Sims said the level of pricing was “clearly outrageous”, citing media reports of as much as $500 for two tests (we paid $56 including postage for our pack of five kits, which is top of the wholesale price range).

The ACCC said there was an increase in the amount of RAT selling through service stations and convenience stores. They had become the source of many of the complaints it was receiving.

By publishing these claims, ‘InQueensland’ did radio and TV journalists a favour by pointing them to a couple of outlets (named in the report).

We sometimes describe this kind of story as “bees in a bottle” – give the jar a good shake and see what sort of noise they make.

It’s no wonder the more experienced journalists turn to commentary or analysis. The basic practice of news reporting can be quite tedious. It involves spending hours on the phone ‘doing the rounds’ and waiting, waiting for people to ring you back. In my day, the editor would probably not run your story if you did not have the other side. All too often now, the 24/7 news cycle forces media outlets to publish now and update later.

When reading news, it’s not a bad idea to separate hard news (two men died in a head on collision), from news like the ACCC report, that could become harder news once it progresses to prosecutions and hefty fines.

As for the label ‘Opinion’ or ‘Comment’, if it’s not there, write to the publisher and say that it ought to be.

In the case of writer Peter Schmigel’s ‘open letter’ rant about Novak Djokovic, the  ‘Opinion’ label also allows news editors to deal with blow-back. “Don’t shoot the messenger, they will tell irate tennis fans. They have reason to be irate – Schmigel (writing in Melbourne’s No 1 newspaper), agrees with the blokes down the pub – Novak’s a ‘boofhead’.

“The forms, mate, the forms. It would have been nice if you could have just filled in the forms right. You didn’t. Double fault. Maybe you should fire somebody – whether it’s the lawyers, the coaches, the agents, the masseurs, or your Dad, who tried to start World War Three on behalf of your backhand.

Or, maybe, just maybe, take some responsibility.

(I particularly liked it when someone described Djokovic’s statement (that his staff member had filled in the paperwork incorrectly) as ‘the dog ate my homework’ excuse. Ed)

FROMM back pages

Journalism and Bees In a Bottle

journalism-bees-bottle
Unsold newspapers being returned to sender. Photo by BW

One of those ubiquitous news portals this week outed The Australian Women’s Weekly for a string of what we in the journalism business used to call ‘howlers’. The AWW meekly apologised for mis-naming TV personality Richard Wilkins as ‘ Rachael’ in its front cover feature, one of several glaring errors. The knife job from Mumbrella (the news portal to which I originally referred), drew sharp comments from (ex) journalists. As the auld wifies used to say in my homeland: “People in stane hooses shouldnae throw glasses”.

To err is human, someone said, and I forget what you had to do to be divine. Mistakes happen across all levels of business and industry, in office jobs, in the pubic service and even, dare I say it, the arts. (For those of you who were paying attention, I wrote ‘pubic’ rather than ‘public’ to demonstrate how easy it is to mis-type). The skill of a journalist/editor is to catch the mistake and fix it on the read-through. The errors made in the Richard Wilkins profile will have caused red faces, but it is hardly a sign of a failed State. Wilkins and family laughed it off, like the good sports they are.

Hard to believe, but when I first entered a newsroom with intent, the newspaper still employed a proofreader. The paper was just moving to offset printing, retiring their one surviving Linotype machine. Pages would be ‘pasted up’ and the proofreader’s job was to read every word, including headlines, photo captions and advertisements. The proofreader was basically looking for typos and literals, as the time had long passed to save a reporter’s bacon on a legally dodgy story. The lawyers would already have done their own version of proofreading, at a much higher hourly rate.

Honest mistakes are made in the media, and the people who make them are often mortified. We are seeing more of it now because newsrooms have been gutted and fact-checking is not valued.

But then there are the deliberate editorial choices made about controversial content. The Australian’s editor, Christopher Dore, made a rare editorial decision to go public about the furore which arose on social media over a cartoon by Johannes Leak, construed by many as racist. Dore defended the cartoon as a satire of presidential candidate Joe Biden’s reference to ‘little brown girls. If you missed it, The Conversation’s balanced piece by RMIT journalism lecturer Janak Rogers, goes into the topic in depth. tful place in the world. We used to call such kerfuffle ‘bees in a bottle’ – give the jar a good shake. Nobody will get hurt unless you take the lid off.

But gee, they make a lot of noise.

Sadly, it is what we have come to expect from The Australian, a conservative national broadsheet newspaper launched in 1964. Its opinion columnists tend to be dry conservatives and the political tone is decidedly to the right. The Oz, as it is known, has many critics. It often rates mention in news outlets whose sole mission is to critique journalism.

Mumbrella, Crikey, the ABC’s Media Watch program and other current affairs programs leap upon journalists who write slanted stories or indulge in epic errors of fact. Increasingly, social media is the place where people froth about journalism today, singling out examples of appalling spelling and misuse of grammar, hostile beat-ups and stories that are just plain wrong. I do feel like critics should be more tolerant of mistakes in regional news outlets, as staffing levels in this sector have been drastically reduced. In some cases there are not only no proofreaders, there are no sub editors either. (Ed: Even FOMM has an editer (sic).

I know many people are dismayed by the state of journalism and the rush to the bottom by those who survived the purge. In May, the situation became much worse for those who rely on local news. News Corp announced the closure of more than 100 regional daily and non-daily titles. Some survived as digital-only and a few newspapers are still being printed. Our locals, The Warwick Daily News and The Border Post (Stanthorpe), are no longer printed. A selection of Warwick district stories appear in The Chronicle (Toowoomba) and the WDN and BP have online editions. But it’s not the same. And we have to buy firelighters.

Fortunately, the Southern Free Times, owned by the Star News Group, which publishes community newspapers, has continued to print, albeit with a short hiatus. Editor Jeremy Sollars said the Free Times went into print hibernation from April to early June. He continued to produce an on-line edition, working part-time from home.

We had fully intended to resume printing again at some point but did not have a clear idea when that might have been.

“We saw the announcement by Warwick Daily News and The Border Post (Stanthorpe) in late May as a clear opportunity.

“Since our first print edition in early June we’ve had a tremendous response from both local advertisers and readers. Clearly our community values a printed news product, complemented by website/social media.

The Free Times covers the Warwick/Stanthorpe/Inglewood and Border regions – currently 8,000 copies a week. The paper is not home delivered, but is bulk-dropped to around 100 retail and community outlets.

“I believe that print publications like the Free Times have a very strong and healthy future in regional centres like Warwick and Stanthorpe,” Mr Sollars said.

Despite the shake-up of a venerable industry, there’s something for everyone out there in the on-line world. My best advice to those with a thirst for reliable, quality journalism is (a) buy a Tablet or an iPad and (b) source a mix of free and paid news feeds. All on-line news portals allow you to customise news and filter it to the topics you prefer, so you don’t get overwhelmed.

In no particular order, I recommend ABC Online, SBS News, The New York Times,The Guardian, the Conversation, the New Daily and Crikey (the ‘stayer’ of independent papers, founded in 2000). Then there’s the left-leaning Saturday Paper and The Monthly, both published by the Schwartz Media Group. If you want another view of world news, try Al Jazeera. When it comes to business and economics, The Economist carries a hefty annual subscription, but worth it if you have a vested interest in the fate of your investments.

At which point I should add that a subscription to The Australian includes access to the Wall Street Journal.

For those with budget constraints, I recently discovered The Independents

which aggregates news from more than 50 sources, some of them mentioned here. It’s set out in an easy to browse format.

Or if you are plain fed up with the news and its follow-the-pack mindset, you could instead binge watch (in no particular order), all seasons of Grey’s Anatomy, Homeland*, The Bureau*, Breaking Bad*, Goliath*, House of Cards, The Crown, The Bridge* and Homecoming. By the time you come up for air (Christmas 2021), it might all be over. Or it might be like yesterday: The Oz publishing offensive cartoons and being castigated for it (and as usual, not at all contrite).

*confronting and/or violent content

 

 

 

 

Cucumbers and the silly season

cucumber-silly-season
Photo by Scott Elias https://flic.kr/p/iAVph

All through my journalism career I tried to take holidays at this time of year – the peak summer period known universally as the ‘silly season’ It’s called that, here and abroad, to describe the sudden drying up of real news stories (or even cleverly disguised fake stories). The media must continue on its 24/7 quest for yarns, but the fare becomes increasingly trivial, short on detail and (gasp) exaggerated.

In Australia, the ‘do not disturb’ sticker can safely be slapped across the calendar between December 23 and January 26. This is when all traditional news sources and their spin doctors head for the beach. Businesses close, parliaments and law courts go into recess. It’s down to emergency services to keep the media fed, and there’s a limit to the amount of mayhem holiday-makers can digest through the festive season.

Smoke but not much fire

Here’s a splendid example of a silly season story, introduced by a breathless headline: “Warwick church struck by lightning”. The fire brigade turned out in numbers to St Mary’s Catholic Church, a Warwick landmark, as did spectators. St Mary’s administrator Kathleen Cuskelly told FOMM the fire was not serious but could have been without the call to emergency services by a witness to the lightning strike. The blaze, which damaged two square metres of ceiling above the side aisle, was extinguished by a lone firefighter who found his way in through a back door.

The church-hit-by-lightning yarn certainly livened up the week for weather-watchers, braced as always for a natural disaster but more often left without a real story.

Mariah Carey’s Times Square technically-flawed performance on New Year’s Eve had the celebrity writers rolling in oily hyperbole. Carey described by maxim.com as the ‘golden-throated chart-topper’ was left on centre stage unable to cope with lip syncing which went awry. Someone played the wrong track, leaving the lesser-crested warbler nonplussed. The Daily Mail (UK) summed it up:

Mariah Carey has stormed off stage after she lashed out during her botched New Year’s Eve performance, after the wrong lip-sync track played.”

That’s a lot of storming and lashing over a relatively tiny tinkle in a teacup. Besides, Mariah sang the hell out of Auld Lang Syne at the start and that’s what counts, right? And she appeared to know all the words.

A few days prior to this earth-trembling news, like so many other heat-stressed people, I was hanging out in the local supermarket, hovering around the deli fridges, a packet of frozen peas clamped to the back of the neck. My mobile chirped and there was a text message: “jar of pickles pls.” Thus challenged, I quickly grabbed a jar, added it to the week’s supply of groceries and headed for the check-out.

The peak summer months, when Europeans and North Americans lock up and head for the beaches, coincides with the cucumber harvest. So their ‘silly season’ is known in many northern countries as ‘cucumber time’.

The ever-useful Wikipedia reveals that in many languages, the name for the silly season references cucumbers (more precisely: gherkins or pickled cucumbers). Examples given include komkommertijd (Dutch), agurketid (Danish) and agurktid (Norwegian, where a piece of news is called agurknytt i.e., “cucumber news”).

There are other examples: the Sommerloch (“summer (news) hole”) in German-speaking countries; la morte-saison (France) and nyhetstorka or news drought, in Sweden.

Media analysts have speculated that people employed as public relations consultants or media advisors in private enterprise and government now outnumber real journalists by five to one. The highly-paid spin doctors take January off and go to the beach. So their carefully crafted “news” releases, sanitised, scrutinised and signed off on by at least 10 people slow to a trickle then stop.

Meanwhile, the skeleton squads left holding the news forts have to forage for items to fill the ironically larger news holes (in the newspaper business advertising also takes a holiday). So the only thing a reporter or a news crew can do is follow the fire engine. On arrival, take emotive video of the cat stuck up a gum tree and hope (though only deep within their craven souls) that the rescuer in the cherry-picker might take a nasty tumble from a great height. The video editor can lip-sync it later and the presenter can do the nodding I-was-really-there-honest footage later. Back to you in the studio, Brian.

Bob Hawke lobbies for nuclear waste (again)

Perhaps the most egregious silly season story thus far was the reporting of comments made at a Woodford Festival talk by former PM Bob Hawke. Mr Hawke said Australia should embrace nuclear power and become a country where the world can store its nuclear waste. Mr Hawke has said this before, many times, but most news reports lacked this kind of background.

Warming up for Woodford, perhaps, Mr Hawke trotted out the nuclear waste trope at Sydney University late last year.

In 2013 he singled out South Australia, a vast and sparsely populated state, as best suited to (underground) storage of nuclear waste.

At Woodford 2016, the 87-year-old former politician employed much the same rhetoric he used when floating the idea in September 2005:

“Australia has the geologically safest places in the world for the storage of waste,” he then told the 7.30 Report’s Mark Bannerman.

“What Australia should do, in my judgement, as an act of economic sanity and environmental responsibility, is say we will take the world’s nuclear waste.”

Then Labor Opposition Leader Kim Beazley sharply responded to the comments by Hawke (who retired from politics in 1992):

“Bob is a respected father figure in the Labor Party, but that’s well outside the platform.”

In 1999, foreign company Pangea Resources tabled a specific proposal to build an underground radioactive nuclear waste storage facility in central Australia. South Australia and Western Australia swiftly responded by passing nuclear storage prohibition acts. Nick Minchin, Federal Resources minister at the time, said an emphatic ‘no’ and Pangea, a consortium of Swiss and British firms, folded up its tent.

Industry website www.nei.org estimates that the nuclear industry has generated about 76,430 tonnes of used fuel over the past 40 years. Most nuclear plants recycle used fuel, which will ‘eventually’ be permanently stored as high-level radioactive waste. US Congress made a pledge in 1982 to build such a facility at Yucca Mountain, Nevada, but the proposal has been ensnared in political wrangling since and was shelved by Barack Obama in 2010. Bloomberg reported in November, however, that a Trump White House would make the permanent dump site a priority.

Finland and Sweden are meanwhile working towards the first permanent radioactive waste sites in the world, the first of which could be operational by 2023.

But as then Federal Health Minister Tony Abbott told the 7.30 Report in 2005 (and little has changed):

“There are a lot of politics in this. Now, right at the moment, we can’t even get agreement on where to put a nuclear repository for Australia’s waste, let alone a repository for the world’s waste.”

Mark Bannerman closed his 2005 report with this apt quote from a Northern Territory woman:

“If it’s safe, take it down to the Lodge, put it under Kirribilli House. I think they’ve got a hide.”